1/8/2025
“I’m Literally Just a Girl” - What are we doing here?
If you’ve been anywhere on the internet in the past three or four years, you’ve probably heard the phrase, “I’m literally just a girl.” To the best of my knowledge, this originated online, but even if you aren’t immersed in internet culture, I’m sure you’ve heard at least one young woman say this in real life. It’s become a part of everyday conversation. Let me start by saying: I’m not above anyone who’s used this phrase. I, too, have fallen victim to this self-deprecating mindset.
I hear women my age use this phrase all the time, both online and offline, and it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve written about the idea of the divine feminine on my blog before, but as I approach graduation and adulthood, I’ve been reflecting on it even more deeply. The concept of the divine feminine has healed so many parts of me over the past couple of years. It’s something I discuss often in therapy. The belief that women are divine forces of nature—the literal source of all life on this planet, human or otherwise—is something I find profoundly empowering. So, it saddens and angers me when I hear people say, “I’m literally just a girl,” as if being a girl is something less-than. People use this phrase to say, “How would I know anything?” or “Of course I’m not responsible for that.” Sometimes it’s simply a way of claiming total incapability. But at its core, this phrase is internalized misogyny. Society has been built on the idea that women are stupid and incapable. When women say, “I’m just a girl,” they’re reinforcing those outdated, harmful narratives. They’re affirming the idea that they’re not enough, and in doing so, they start to believe it themselves. When something is repeated often enough, it becomes a kind of affirmation—an idea that takes root in the mind. If you tell the world you’re incapable or weak, people will treat you that way. Worse, you might start treating yourself that way too.
As grown women, we are fully capable of setting high standards—for ourselves, our lives, and the people we allow into them. We have the power to present ourselves as strong and self-respecting, and we do not have to accept behavior that doesn’t align with those standards.
I’d love to dismiss this habit of saying “I’m just a girl” as simple sexism ingrained into our minds. But I know that’s not entirely true. I attend college with 21- and 22-year-old women who are educated, intelligent, and fully capable of learning, growing, and thriving. And yet, this phrase persists.
It’s frustrating to hear women speak this way about themselves and others. Frankly, it’s upsetting enough that I sometimes feel the need to distance myself from those who do. I know I’m strong, capable, and smart, and I want to surround myself with people who think the same way.
I can already hear my mom reading this and saying, “Duh, Hannah, I’ve told you this a million times.” When I was younger, I would dismiss her frustration, thinking, “It’s not that deep—it’s just a joke.” But in hindsight, even that thought process was rooted in my own self-doubt. For reasons I couldn’t fully articulate, I struggled to believe in myself and my abilities. But as I grow up, I’m learning that setting positive affirmations and boundaries isn’t conceited or selfish—it’s essential.
You never hear a man say, “I’m just a boy,” minimizing himself to a child or diminishing his understanding of the world. And there’s a reason for that. Society never placed that expectation on men. “I’m just a girl” is deeply male-centered. It’s a phrase that prioritizes men’s values over women’s. It’s an idea men want us to believe, and every time a woman says it, she reinforces that belief. In some ways, it’s the ultimate “pick-me” phrase.
I’m sad I ever thought of myself this way, but I’m so grateful I’ve found the self-respect to reject it. Being a woman is one of the greatest honors of my life. The ability to bring life into this world is powerful, deeply connected to the divine, and should never be underestimated.
To any woman reading this who frequently uses this phrase: let me tell you—you are STRONG, POWERFUL, CAPABLE, and SMART. You are NOT “just a girl.” You are a grown woman with a direct portal to life inside of you. You are not less than.
1/1/2025
Hello, 2025!
I can’t believe that 2025 is already here. I remember sitting on my couch at the start of every new year during college, thinking about how one day soon it would be 2025—the year I graduate, the year I finally find my place in this great, big, beautiful world. That thought feels so daunting now, but one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this past year is the importance of trusting the universe. In this post, I want to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned over the past year and share how I’ll incorporate them into 2025 to continue living a life of healing and gratitude.
1. Trust the universe and its path.
This year, I really tapped into spirituality and spent time reflecting on the guiding forces in my life. For so long, I’ve held onto goals that weren’t meant for me—not yet, or maybe not ever. I’ve tried to fit into a box society has constructed for me, as well as a mindset and body that didn’t feel authentic. I spent time forcing myself into friendships and relationships that clearly didn’t align with my lifestyle or values.
In 2025, I want to meditate on my decisions and goals. I want to listen to the energy of the universe, recognize the paths it’s leading me toward, and trust those paths rather than chasing fleeting ideas or the approval of people who don’t truly know or care about me.
2. Surround yourself with people who align with your beliefs and goals.
This past year, I learned the importance of being intentional about the relationships in my life. While people often think about this in the context of romantic relationships, I found it especially relevant in my friendships. At this age, we often spend most of our time with “friends,” but I realized I was close to people who didn’t know me deeply—or care to.
I learned that it’s essential to separate yourself from energy that doesn’t align with your values. People will show you who they are; trust them when they do. This realization applied to both platonic and romantic relationships, and while there’s still work ahead in accepting these truths, I’m committed to building connections with people who genuinely align with my beliefs and goals.
3. Mindfulness over everything.
This year, I stopped going to the gym around mid-year. Instead, I turned to quiet meditation, letting my mind wander and observing what surfaced. For a while, I struggled with insecurity, and my gym environment wasn’t helping. The walls lined with mirrors and the focus on numbers—calories, protein grams, food scales—made me feel trapped in a cycle of self-comparison and criticism.
Listening to my body, I decided to step away from the gym, and it was life-changing. It taught me to embrace my body as it is: strong, capable, and my constant companion through life. She allows me to experience the world through all my senses, and she deserves my gratitude and care. She is the greatest gift I have ever been given, she is everything to me. This mindset shift has brought me so much peace.
Building on lessons from past years, I’ve dedicated time each morning and evening to journaling about my day. I also carry Post-it notes to jot down moments of gratitude as they arise. These small practices have made a big difference in helping me stay grounded and present.
This year, I’ve also worked through more personal lessons, ones that helped me navigate challenges. I’m excited to keep growing and learning in 2025.
What’s your New Year’s resolution? Do you have one? If so, I encourage you to listen to your mind, body, and soul when deciding—not just default to the resolution you feel like you “should” pick. A journal prompt that really helped me clarify my intentions for the new year was: “By this time next year, I want to FEEL….”
This prompt shifted my focus from concrete goals, like landing my first job, to deeper aspirations. For me, 2025 will be all about creating and maintaining strong boundaries. I need to work on not oversharing with “friends” whose values don’t align with mine and who don’t know me well. I also need to create space between myself and people, romantic or not, who show a lack of compassion for my experiences.
Boundaries will be my theme for the year, and I’m eager to see how they help me grow. I can’t wait to reflect on this journey and who I’ll be at the start of 2026.
11/19/2024
Post-Election Feelings
I’m not sure where to start this post. It’s been a while since I’ve written here, and life has been a whirlwind. My last year of college has begun, and I’ve been juggling school, work, volunteering, and all the chaos that comes with it. On top of that, I’ve been navigating some heavy anxiety.
Leading up to the election, I was incredibly nervous. As a woman, as someone with more student loans than I can truly comprehend, and as someone pursuing a career in advocacy, I felt the weight of this election in every part of my life. Post-election, my feelings remain the same: heartbreak, devastation, and a struggle to find motivation.
I’m terrified of what lies ahead. On election night, I felt confident—almost certain—that the right side would prevail. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The outcome shocked me. It exposed how many people are willing to support hate, even if quietly. It revealed the true colors of people I thought I knew.
Discovering that people close to me voted for a man who embodies misogyny and hate felt like a gut punch. I’ll never understand how someone can claim to value and love the women in their life and yet cast a vote that actively undermines their rights and dignity. To me, that vote is an act of harm—an act of abuse. A man who truly values me would never vote against my safety, my livelihood, or my future.
This election made clear who truly values our friendship and who doesn’t.
I’ve seen a graphic circulating on social media that says:
“Elections will come and go. Don’t let politics ruin your relationships. One of the truest signs of maturity is the ability to disagree with someone while still remaining respectful.”
Let me be clear: this election wasn’t about politics. It was about morality. Relationships aren’t being ruined by differing political views—they’re being ruined because people are revealing themselves as supporters of hate. When someone casts a vote that strips others of their rights, they’re showing they value “the economy” or some other misguided ideology over people’s lives and dignity.
I will only surround myself with people who support me and who value people who are different from them. Maturity isn’t about passively accepting harmful beliefs; it’s about rejecting white supremacy, misogyny, homophobia, and every form of bigotry.
I refuse to maintain relationships with people who vote for hate. I will not be friends with anyone who took an active step toward erasing women’s rights, denying LGBTQ+ people their dignity, or harming marginalized communities.
At the beginning of this post, I mentioned how hard it’s been to stay motivated. As someone dedicating their life to advocacy, I’m scared. I worry about my future and the future of the people I’ve worked so closely with—especially the refugee populations here in Chicago.
But here’s the thing: there is no time to lose motivation. There is so much work to do. Those of us who were committed to the fight before the election need to dig in even deeper now. When we said, “We won’t go back,” we meant it. It’s time to be stronger than ever.
To everyone reading this: let’s stay committed, let’s keep fighting, and let’s prove that love and justice will always prevail.
9/10/2024
Big life changes! What is being 20 for?
Hello everyone! It’s been a minute since I’ve updated you all on everything I’ve been up to! Since I’ve talked to you last, I’ve started my senior year of college! I truly cannot believe how fast time has gone, and nothing scares me more than every single thing changing around me and having no idea where I’ll be a year from now. I have a million options for after I graduate, but also feel like I have none, all at the same time. Like a lot of people my age, I am feeling really restricted by money for more education and by what I already need to pay for my undergraduate degree. But alas, things will always work out the way they’re supposed to, and I truly do believe that only the doors that are supposed to be opened for me, will be. That being said, I’m excited about the prospects I have in front of me! I’m starting to apply for graduate school under a couple different disciplines, as I’m still a bit confused on what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I’ve also started applying to real, big-girl jobs! Getting a job that could support me after I graduate, in Chicago, and in the advocacy/nonprofit realm, would be the absolute dream, but again, we’ll see where life takes me!
There have been multiple changes going on in my life lately, and I’m learning and getting better by the day at being more true to who I am, and standing firm in my morals and values. I truly can feel myself growing, and there’s nothing that feels better than that! Lately, I had to deal with a pretty tough situation that had me making SURE I “stood on business,” as they say. Sometimes, it’s hard to stand up for yourself, and hard to stop putting yourself in certain situations, even if you know they aren’t meant for you or aren’t serving you anymore. It’s really easy, especially at my age, I feel, to be influenced by other people’s ideas and opinions, which I’m trying really hard to stay away from.
Without diving too deep into my personal life, I recently encountered a problem that had me having to stand up for my morals, which happen to be different from a lot of mainstream culture in my generation. I was in a position where people were telling me I was overreacting, I had too high standards, and I needed to change. However, I knew how I felt and I knew what made me feel respected, and I made a tough decision to stand on that. In the end, it isn’t about what anyone else thinks your standards should be like, it isn’t anyone else’s place to tell you what should and shouldn’t make you feel respected. It’s so important to stay true to who you are, and build the life you want! I saw a video this morning of a woman talking about what it’s like to be 20 years old, what being 20 years old is for. She talked about how 20 is for messing up, for finding out who you are, and for only including people in your life that will help you build the life you are meant to have. She talked about how 20 is not for settling, it’s for being fearlessly yourself. This was an amazing reminder, and one I really needed this morning. While you shouldn’t settle at any time in your life, you sure as hell shouldn’t do it at 20 years old when you have your entire life ahead of you, the best days of your life ahead of you, and the best people in your life to meet, still ahead of you.
Growing up is so scary, I’m more scared of it than anyone. I’m more scared of everything being different than anyone, but I’m working on finding peace in the unknown. I’m working on finding peace in the fact that everything might not work out at 21 years old, and it’s not supposed to! I’m working on being less anxious when people leave my life/new people enter my life, less anxious about having no clue what my life will look like in a year, having no clue where my friends will be, etc. Sometimes it’s also easy for me to put my guard up and not allow myself to be really sad about things in front of those around me, to not talk about how sad certain situations have made me, and to let myself be lonely in that. 20 is also for growing your support system! I’m reminding myself of that everyday.
Something I’ve been journaling a lot about, and urge you to as well, is how I am coming to terms with all of the big changes going on around me, while also staying true to who I am and not wavering on my morality, no matter what those around me believe.
8/14/2024
Rejection: How I’m getting a grip
As I’m getting older, I’ve started to start to look for big-girl jobs and something to do, post-college. This is a huge mix of exciting and scary. I’m the last person in the whole world who wants to grow up. If I could stay 21 years old forever, that would be my dream. However, we all have to do it and I need to start finding my way.
Recently, I applied for a job on a whim, a “real” job - with a salary and everything! I was so excited, because this job really did seem like my dream. A bachelor’s degree wasn’t required, so I let myself get insanely excited at the prospect of getting a job with a decent salary while still in college, being able to start to pay off my student loans, the idea of being able to afford a studio apartment in Chicago after I graduate to start a life of my own in the city, etc. etc. etc. I now know that this is, like, the last thing someone should do who hasn’t even found out about getting a job yet, but I let my optimism get the best of me.
You probably realize by now, I didn’t get the job. This sounds like something that would be easy to shrug off, everyone gets job rejections, especially when looking for your very first one. But my first “no” was hard! I felt so good about my interview, I know I had a stacked resume for this particular job, but at the end of the day, I didn’t have my degree yet! My interview was great practice for the next one, and I’m looking forward to be able to have something similar soon. Coming to terms with the rejection has definitely been hard, but it’s been a great opportunity to remind myself of some lessons I let myself lose sight of in the process.
Everything really does happen for a reason! I completely forgot that the universe is on my side, all the time. I believe that everything in our lives is predetermined . Our paths have already been created, and the universe will stop us from doing something that isn’t meant for us. I think that for everything that happens, every person we meet, there is a lesson to be learned, and while it may be hard to see what lesson it is at first, it will always be there. I feel that after this past interview, I’ve actually gained confidence, not lost it. At first I was struggling with why I wasn’t good enough for the job, but I now know that my experience will just be even better for the job that’s actually right for me, and I know that the universe is still working in my favor, keeping me on my path. I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now, and while that still is so scary to me, the thought of being one step closer to where I’m meant to be is actually quite comforting. Any rejection just means I’m closer to my destiny and to fulfilling my purpose.
7/9/2024
Inside Out 2: What are my beliefs?
Recently, I got to go to see Inside Out 2 with my boyfriend! I was so excited to see this movie, because the first one is one of my favorite movies of all time. While I don’t think it beat the first movie, it did get me thinking. In the movie, there’s a focus on how the main character, Riley, develops beliefs she has as she gets older. They’re held in a special place of her mind, and come about through her emotions guide her to make different actions in her life. I started thinking about the beliefs I have, and how I came to have them. This is something I’ve loved thinking about over the past couple days, and I’m so excited to share some of my core beliefs I have about myself and about the world around me with all of you!
My purpose is to help others.
I think I came to this belief at a young age. My mom has always been involved in nonprofit work, and my dad in the education system, so they’ve always modeled a life of service. I think what really gave me this belief, however, was the summer camp I grew up going to. As I’ve grown older, I’ve become increasingly more religious. I don’t know what God truly is, no one does, but if I had to guess, I wouldn’t think of Her as some man in the sky. I definitely think of God to be a motherly figure, as all life on planet Earth comes from women. I think of her as the universe, as the wind in the trees, as all of our subconscious’s. I went to this camp one week out of my year growing up, and I got to spend a whole summer working there a couple years ago. When I chose to work there, I’d already chosen my major, Advocacy & Social Change, but after I was done that summer, a life of service had an entirely different meaning to me. I was so much more passionate about it. I realized that God, whoever or whatever She is, put me here to help people, to help people through laughter, or love, or whatever it may be, even by just being a friend. I came to this belief through seeing the innocence of working with kids and how it really doesn’t take much to invoke joy in another, and I realized that God gave me a gift of being able to do that. My purpose here is to make the experience of others a bit less daunting. Another belief I have that is strongly related to this one - I think EVERYONE shares this purpose, among other ones, but I think we all owe that to each other. I saw a quote one time - “we’re all just strangers, walking each other home.” We all should try to make the experience of those around us just a little bit brighter.
I am the luckiest.
This is a belief that I hold so incredibly close to my heart. I repeat this to myself constantly, all day everyday. I truly believe it. I am shocked every single day at how lucky I am. The friends I have, have stuck with me through the best and worst times of my life, my family loves me unconditionally, no matter what. I’ve had so many opportunities, that I can’t even begin to understand how blessed I am. I get to be warm and safe at night. My body can move and talk and feel all on its own. I feel a type of love from those and the world around me that I can’t put into words. Blessings come to me often, and I really do believe I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I’ve found this belief in college, after going through dark, dark times, and coming out with an even stronger support system than before. The love from my family and friends has been unwavering, and for that, I will count my lucky stars every single day.
I’m made just the way I was supposed to be.
This is one that I’m working hard to believe everyday. This leads back to the note on God and religion, but in a slightly different way. It is absolutely shocking to me, everyday, that I get to be here, on this planet. There could have been trillions of different versions of who was born in my place, but the fact that one specific cell from my mom and one specific cell from my dad combined to make me, is absolutely baffling to me. I think that because I got lucky enough to be here in the first place, proves that I’m meant to be here and meant to be just the way I am. No amount of changing myself, my personality, the way I look, etc., could make me more ME. I’ve come to this belief throughout my college years, through finding myself and getting more comfortable in my own skin, and realizing that no matter what, Hannah will always be the same girl, and I can’t force myself to be someone that I’m not.
Everything happens for a reason.
This took me a long, long, LONG time to start really believing. I have wondered for years what the reason is for the way I struggle with my eating and exercise habits. I’ve wondered why certain friends have left me, why certain people who weren’t good for me came into my life. It’s taken a long time to understand the lessons behind countless events, but in the place I am right now, becoming more comfortable with who I am, with my place in this world, with actually getting to know myself, I’ve been able to sit down and journal about so many things, realizing that every decision, every person I’ve met, has led me straight to this place I am right now. Without going through what I’ve been through, without meeting the people I’ve met, I wouldn’t be the Hannah I am today. “You can’t hate the experiences that shaped you,” is something I saw a long time ago and have made one of my mantras over the last year. The universe is a complex web and will always have everyone on the path they’re meant to take.
I’m brave.
This is one I saw during the movie, and one I think really resonates with me. It took a while for me to believe this about myself, but I definitely do now. I’ve done so many things that count as brave. I’ve moved to a city that’s huge and completely unknown to me. I’ve chosen a path for my career that might not be as secure as some other paths, but that is true to who I am and who I want to be. I’ve gotten help when I need it, and still do, to be the healthiest I can be, mentally and physically. The list could go on and on. I am brave, and I try to remind myself of that everyday. My mom always told us growing up, “you can do hard things,” and I’m starting to finally believe I can.
5/9/2024
Getting to Know Myself
Whew - What a Semester!
I must admit, I really did plan on being much more consistent with my blog when I started it up. Sadly, my classes, which I had a lot of this semester, got in the way. But I’m so glad to be back sharing all of my thoughts with all of you! It’s been quite a busy few months, and there’s a lot to catch up on. This post will focus on something that took me a while to process this semester, and that's how I really got to come to terms with who I am, and who I want to be, and how my life has adjusted since making some scary changes. I can’t wait to talk to all of you in my upcoming posts about things more lighthearted, like my Spring Break trip! In the meantime, make sure you hop on over to my favorites album, where you can see all of the updates in picture form. I’m so excited for this first post back!
The beginning of this semester was extremely difficult for me. I was coming to terms with the fact that I was involved with something that didn’t match where I morally stood, and I was trying so hard to stay a part of this group with values and practices I knew I didn’t believe in, deep down. I tried everything I could to stay involved, and make different friends, hoping to get the “good parts” out of it, and eventually, I realized there just weren’t that many “good parts" to weed out. Sure, this experience was great for finding a few friends, even my best friend, who’s since graduated and moved on, but it just really wasn’t for me - and that’s okay.
I think as a college student it’s sometimes incredibly easy to put yourself into a box out of comfort, which I’ve talked about a little bit on my blog before. It’s easy to try so hard to fit into a group, simply to just have a place. This is why it was so difficult to separate myself from this group. It sounds easy in theory - you don’t agree with the way the group conducts and leads themselves, with their values, with their actions, so you would just leave, right? But I find that in college, the box you put yourself in often becomes your identity, especially with the types of groups in question. This became part of my identity, and stripping that from my life was something I was so incredibly scared of. When deciding to leave, I constantly thought about if it would just be better to go along with the group and put up with the bullying I was experiencing, simply to not lose this part of my identity, as I’d feel like I didn't belong to anything anymore.
Growing up, I never had a large group of friends. I found it a bit difficult to fit in, and always felt kind of awkward around large groups of other people, so when I found this in college, it was something I wanted to hold on tight to. It took me two years to realize I care much more about other things. I’m more fulfilled by my small group of friends I made freshman year, who have constantly stood up for me and who have been on my side in so many trying times. I feel more fulfilled volunteering for causes that matter to me, and not to be able to post it on Instagram, but to make real connections with the people I meet and get to give my time to. I feel more fulfilled by even just sitting in my apartment and working on projects that make me happy, like this blog, crocheting, or other little activities, than I do going out and drinking, just for the sake of “it’s what you do here,” when I knew I never liked it. I feel more fulfilled by making organic friendships, even if it’s with far less people, than by having “friends,” who I have since realized were not my friends, as they don’t talk to me anymore since I don’t hold the same group title anymore.
College is a place to experiment with who you are and who you’re going to be. It’s a place to get to know yourself. I can confidently say that the girl I was when I graduated high school is so very different from the girl I am today. Every single day, I'm learning to be more comfortable in my own skin, and learning to be more uncomfortable in environments that don’t serve me. It may have taken me a while to take action, but after really doing a deep dive into getting to know myself this semester, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was deeply uncomfortable with the way that I was being treated and with the ideology and actions of those involved with my old group. Getting to know myself gave me the strength to separate myself from that environment, and I have never felt so free! I hope that everyone reading this has the strength to take the time and effort to get to really know yourselves this year: who are you? What do you stand for? What makes you feel loved? What makes you feel fulfilled? We were all put on this earth to enjoy our existence, and there should be nothing in the way of you doing so. Make it a goal to get to know yourself! There’s never an end to doing that, but the further I get in my journey of “who really is Hannah?” the more comfortable I am in every single environment I’m in, the higher I hold my head, and the happier I am. We’re all here to simply enjoy… don’t let anything come between that and you.
1/29/2024
‘Girl-ing Up’
Doing what makes me happy - an informal letter to readers!
Being in college has taught me a lot of things, and one of the biggest is that I control my own happiness. I know I’ve talked about this in previous blog posts, but I’ve decided to dive a little bit deeper into that topic!
I decided to start this blog back in October 2023. I designed the website, which is by all means a continuous work in progress. I worked extremely hard on the blog posts I had written before publishing, and it’s become one of the things I’m the most proud of. I suppose you could say I “girl-ed up” (the phrase ‘man up’ is obviously out of date, and one of my readers used this phrase that I just love!) when deciding when to publish my site. It took a lot of guts. I understand that what I think about and have to say might not be everyone’s first choice of content to consume, but writing about the things I think about has been a longstanding hobby of mine that I wanted to make public! I’ve loved being able to have my own little corner of the internet where I get to express myself.
The reason I wanted to start a blog was because it gives me a unique outlet to explain thoughts that I might not have another place to talk about, and it’s been extremely therapeutic. I’ve been using this space as a kind of area to work through feelings, and it really has done just that for me. This gets me to my point of doing whatever makes me happy. As I’ve mentioned before, I want to be able to do whatever I want, every day of my life. Happiness with Hannah was something I wanted to do, so I started the blog without a care about how it would be perceived, and I’m so grateful I did. Having this space, for myself, is one of the things I’m the most proud of, no matter how it’s perceived by others. Everything I publish and write about truly comes from my heart, and includes excerpts from my own diary and journals that I use daily.
This blog has also taught me to not take things so seriously. Through Happiness with Hannah, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what other people think about what I write, as long as I’m happy to write it and share it with people I love. I appreciate the support I’ve gotten from all of my family and friends in the beginnings of Happiness with Hannah, and I’m so excited to continue posting about my daily happenings as a 20-something girl in the world. The human existence is so beautiful. What you put out into the world will always make its way back to you, continue to spread love and make people feel supported - we’re all just trying our best.
1/6/2024
My Greatest Lessons of 2023.
A Year Based in Reflection… this is going to be a long one!
With 2023 ending and a new year beginning, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on the things I’ve learned this past year, as I’m sure many of you have been as well. This year, I’ve learned more than I ever have in my whole life! I’ve been a million different versions of myself and have had so many different people walk in and out of my life, which I am so incredibly grateful for. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and everyone comes into our lives for a reason, and this year has really taught me that. There have been people who have taught me lessons that were supremely hard to learn, and things that have happened to and/or around me that took me a long time to understand the lesson behind, but I’ve finally come to peace with these people, and happenings and can write a well-thought-out blog post for all of you! Let’s get into it :)
Stop gentle parenting other adults
“Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.” - The Giver
Realizing that gentle parenting other adults was a tough lesson, both for me and the friends around me, and it was a real eye-opener. Trying to teach grown-ups how to be kind is like banging your head against a wall. In my friendships and romantic entanglements, I used to fall into this trap of not standing up against behavior that made me feel small or invisible. Instead, I'd play teacher, hoping to make them treat me with respect and kindness.
I've wasted too much time giving people chances to change, explaining over and over how they made me feel, and trying to make them understand why their behavior was out of line. But here's the thing - I can't turn people into respectful individuals who value me, and my boundaries, or just showing up for me. It finally clicked that if people around me aren't showing up, it's not because they're clueless; they just don't want to. And frankly, I don't want people around me who don't appreciate that.
People will show you who they are, and I'm all about accepting that truth now. Sure, there's a time and place to share your feelings and work through conflicts in important relationships. But doing that constantly for friends or partners? It’s not really my thing anymore.
I've flipped my approach from letting people disrespect me and then explaining why they shouldn't, to setting the tone from the get-go. Now, it's all about showing a ton of self-respect, not accepting anything less, and shutting down behavior that doesn't align with that vibe. I've also learned to stop giving people more chances than they deserve to make me feel sad.
If I'm putting in the effort to make others feel valued, I don't want to feel the opposite. I've figured out that saving my peace means accepting love from people who genuinely value me and have proven they'll be there for me. And I've learned to distance myself from those who won't.
There's a quote I've seen on social media, "he is who he is going to be, and he’s shown that to you." It's become my go-to mantra. People show you their true colors, and we need to accept that. Relationships might have their ups and downs, but love shouldn't feel like a constant struggle. Love shouldn’t feel like work. That's my cue to move on.
This leads me to my next point…
2. “I know I am not hard to love because my friends never made it seem too hard.”
I stumbled upon this post on social media, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since! This year's been a rollercoaster, throwing curveballs that made me question my strength. But my friends have this amazing way of making love feel like a walk in the park. It's so beautiful to have people in your life you actively choose to love every day, and they choose to love you right back. Love, in all its shapes and sizes, has been my rock this year, especially the platonic kind. I’ve definitely found the people I’m meant to be with at this point in my life! Friends who genuinely have my back, just like I have theirs. I value having friends who support me so much and who I get to support every day.
I had this wishlist of folks I desperately wanted to join this circle of genuine support. But this year taught me a hard truth—I was working way too hard trying to teach them how to be kind to me, and honestly, that's not a lesson they deserved or I did. My friends have been my teachers this year, showing me that soulmates come in all shapes and sizes. Not just one, but many! I count my lucky stars for stumbling upon these platonic soulmates, especially two friends who must've been in my life in some past life.
This year's a crash course in understanding that unconditional love isn't just a family thing; it can come from people who make a conscious choice to love you without any strings every single day.
3. "You are the love of your life."
For the longest time, I was hooked on romcoms and romance novels, dreaming of finding that one person meant for me. While I still believe in a romantic soulmate, the true love of your life is—you guessed it—yourself. You're your own HQ, the boss of your happiness. Others can add to your joy, but they can't build you into the person you're meant to be. I had this habit of going all-in, mentally committed to relationships, forgetting to give myself the attention I deserved.
In a relationship, everyone who knows me knows the person I'm with. My life doesn't scream individuality anymore; it's like a package deal, even when we're not together. I was forgetting to put myself first, hence the gentle parenting approach with those around me—I failed to set the example because I didn't value myself enough at the start.
Two golden nuggets I've picked up about self-love: Intentions don't matter, and closure isn't real. Yeah, I get it; these might be a bit controversial, but hear me out. Intentions are like yesterday's news; actions are what truly matters. Trying to decode someone's intentions isn't my priority; actions are what I base my thoughts about a friendship or relationship on. No more wasting time wondering what someone wants from a relationship; I'm judging based on their actions, not wishful thinking. Now, closure is a wild concept. Took me ages to get it. That second conversation after a friendship or relationship ends is like watching a rerun of something awful, hoping for a different ending. Spoiler alert: It doesn't matter. Being hurt by actions is what really matters, and no conversation changes that. Sure, an apology is cool, but it won't rewrite history.
Respecting the experiences that shaped me became my mantra. Initially, I wanted to banish some tough lessons from my head and pretend they never happened. But they're the building blocks of who I am today. Understanding lessons from the tough times is my secret to understanding myself. Reflecting on experiences that shaped me is my way of putting myself first, the key to self-respect and personal growth.
4. Lucky Girl Syndrome
Lucky Girl Syndrome is this wild belief that the universe is always on your side, and when you keep telling yourself you're insanely lucky, things actually start falling into place. It's worked wonders in ways for me I didn't see coming.
I've written about my gratitude routine in other posts, so I won't bore you with that again. But there are a couple of other things I've thrown into the mix that have shaken up my life. First off, I stopped all those negative affirmations that were sneakily hanging around everywhere. I even try to listen to less sad music, especially first thing in the morning. (Walking on Sunshine the second you open your eyes really does something to the brain, I’m sure of it)
So often, we tell ourselves over and over that we can’t do something or that we’ll fail before we even try. We talk down on our own ability to ourselves, sometimes even voicing it to other people. This year, though, I've worked hard to swap those gloomy thoughts with words of encouragement and gratitude. Instead of saying unkind words to myself about my body, I'm sending it thanks for being my daily superhero. I’ve found a way to be so much happier by changing the words that I put out into the universe.
Then, there's this cool idea I've been thinking so much about – optimistic nihilism. Since everything's gonna end someday, why not do whatever we want? Nothing's that serious; nothing really matters in the grand scheme. We're here to enjoy the ride – make friends laugh, hug the people we love, watch the sunset, drink tea with our moms, and gaze at the stars. It's a mindset shift that's made me realize life's way more calm than we often make it out to be.
I understand that following that specific mindset is easier said than done, but I’m no stranger to faking it till you make it, either. Repeating positive words, even if you're not fully buying into it at first, eventually nudges you towards a more empowering and gratuitous outlook. Lucky Girl Syndrome isn't just a mindset; it's become my guide to intentionally embracing positivity and rolling with good energy.
5. Motivation
Let's dive into the motivation rollercoaster I've been riding this year, a ride that seems to be a universal experience for many of us cruising through the latter half of college. Affirmations pulled me out of the trenches, the unsung heroes of my sanity.
When I was growing up, my dad had this classic line he'd drop whenever my siblings and I were tackling something tough: "How bad do you want it?" That gem stuck with me, becoming a daily mantra for everything from studying and cranking out papers to hitting the gym and navigating tricky conversations. It's the kind of question that makes you check in with your commitment level to the end goal.
Then there's this other affirmation I've been repeating to myself constantly: "This is hard, but XYZ is harder." I use this in all facets of my life. A perfect example would be urging myself out of bed to get to the gym, with the internal debate going something like, "Waking up is hard, but being unhealthy is harder." Or imagine staring down the barrel of a tough exam – "Studying is hard, but the thought of retaking a whole class is harder."
While I do believe in the importance of productivity and hard work, I also know that rest is your body's best friend. Without it, I'd be a productivity zombie. My class schedule is my secret: 10 am to 4 pm. It gives me morning slots for homework, afternoons to burn off steam and move my body in the gym, and evenings to relax with friends. A little R&R at night gives my body the love it deserves, priming me for whatever the next day throws my way.
This year was not easy by any means, but this year I truly learned who I am. I’m happier than I ever have been in my whole life, and I understand people around me more than I ever have. I’m so grateful for all the people I got to learn from and got to love this year; there is nothing better than personal growth that makes your human experience on this earth better.
12/26/2023
I’ve been losing empathy.
Let’s talk about it.
As the year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on a significant shift in my perspective, particularly in the realm of empathy. Growing up, I prided myself on being an empath, deeply affected by the struggles of others. Witnessing people's loneliness and hardship would sadden me, and I believed that understanding their difficulties was an essential aspect of my identity. Having faced my own battles with mental health—something I'm sure many of my readers can relate to—I considered it a shared human experience.
My upbringing in a small town magnified the significance of every event. It felt like everyone was watching, and the fear of making a mistake loomed large. I was overly conscious of my appearance, anxious about grades, body image, social acceptance, and even holiday plans. However, my move to Chicago, one of America's largest cities, brought a profound revelation—no one cares, and that's liberating. I came to understand that my mistakes held more weight in my life than in anyone else's, and the things I found embarrassing were rarely a blip on others' radars. This realization led to a newfound sense of freedom from anxiety about trivial matters.
Leaving my small hometown drastically altered my perspective, allowing me to empathize more deeply with the struggles of others. Pursuing nonprofit work, a long-standing aspiration of mine, became a reality as I interned with an immigration law department dedicated to aiding refugees and immigrants. Volunteering with children for the past two years further exposed me to the strength and resilience of individuals facing unimaginable challenges. Children who have endured the horrors of war-torn regions still find joy in simple pleasures like playing soccer and sharing laughter with friends.
This exposure has reinforced my commitment to living a life characterized by compassion and love. Advocacy work has become a constant opportunity to channel my efforts toward making a positive impact. It has instilled in me a deep sense of gratitude and tranquility. Recognizing my own privilege, I appreciate the simple yet invaluable aspects of life, such as being born in America, having a supportive family, and enjoying basic sensory experiences.
Despite this newfound perspective, I've encountered difficulty empathizing with those who fail to recognize their own fortune. In my current surroundings, I observe individuals who magnify minor issues, allowing them to dominate their lives and hinder their ability to help others. I firmly believe that each of us is here to enhance the human experience for others, utilizing our strengths in whatever capacity we can. It is disheartening to witness individuals with ample opportunities and resources succumb to negativity and self-centeredness. I have a hard time empathizing with people who don’t use their place in society to better the experiences of others, I have a hard time empathizing with people who, instead of repeating positive affirmations and goals to themselves, choose to dwell on their struggles and personal problems.
Expressing empathy for those struggling with mental health issues is crucial, but it's equally important to take proactive steps toward improvement. Raising awareness about depression, anxiety, and eating disorders is vital, but perpetuating a negative narrative, insisting that individuals will remain depressed throughout the holiday season, is counterproductive. Instead, I advocate for gratitude, recognizing the blessings we possess and diverting our focus from perceived negativity.
In 2024, I hope to see a shift toward normalizing positive affirmations and manifestations. Choosing to actively contribute to the well-being of others, especially those less fortunate, should be a societal norm. Embracing a positive mindset and acknowledging our privilege can pave the way for a better world. Let's collectively strive to foster a culture of empathy, gratitude, and proactive contribution, making 2024 a year of positive transformation.
11/15/23
Living with Gratitude
Finding Joy in the Everyday: Practicing Gratitude
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the never-ending race of life. The constant pursuit of success, material possessions, and societal approval can consume us, and we often forget to stop and appreciate the beauty of the present moment. But what if we were to consciously notice the things that make us happy to be alive? What if we took a moment each day to express gratitude for the simple joys that grace our lives?
Practicing gratitude is a powerful tool that has the potential to transform the way we view the world and enhance our overall well-being. In a society that often focuses on what we lack, shifting our perspective to notice the blessings we have can bring about a profound shift in our outlook on life. It's about finding joy in the everyday occurrences and being mindful of the little things that give us a sense of contentment and happiness.
So, what exactly does it mean to "notice things that make you happy to be alive and grateful"? It starts with being present and actively engaging with the world around us. It means taking the time to savor the taste of your morning coffee, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, or listening to the laughter of loved ones. It’s about recognizing the subtle moments that often go unnoticed amid the chaos of our daily routines.
It's easy to take the simple pleasures for granted. We may overlook the beauty of a sunset because we're too engrossed in our smartphones or dismiss the peacefulness of a quiet moment because we're preoccupied with our long to-do lists. However, when we actively seek out these moments and acknowledge them with gratitude, we strengthen our connection to the present and find solace in life's small wonders.
Expressing gratitude has been scientifically proven to have numerous benefits for our mental and emotional well-being. Studies have shown that practicing gratitude can reduce stress, increase happiness levels, and even improve our physical health. When we cultivate a grateful mindset, we shift our focus from negativity and scarcity to abundance and positivity. We become better equipped to handle life's challenges and find joy even in the midst of difficulties.
So, how can we incorporate this practice into our daily lives? The key lies in making gratitude a habit. Start by setting aside a few moments each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. You might choose to keep a gratitude journal where you jot down three things you are thankful for each day. Alternatively, you could express your gratitude aloud, either to yourself or to someone else. Sharing your gratitude not only strengthens your own positive mindset but also spreads positivity to those around you.
Another powerful way to notice the blessings in your life is through mindfulness meditation. By using the breath as an anchor, you can bring your full attention to the present moment and train your mind to notice the little joys that are often overlooked. As you engage in these practices consistently, you'll find that your capacity for appreciation deepens, and you begin to notice more and more things that make you happy to be alive.
In a world that often focuses on the next accomplishment or material possession, taking the time to notice the small joys and express gratitude becomes a radical act of self-love. It reminds us that true happiness is not found in external validation or constant striving, but in the appreciation of the inherent beauty that exists within and around us.
Let us embark on this journey of gratitude together. Let us open our eyes, hearts, and minds to the countless reasons to be happy and grateful for being alive. As we cultivate this mindset, we not only enhance our own lives but also inspire others to find joy in the everyday. So, take a deep breath, look around, and notice the things that make you happy to be alive — for they are the true treasures that nourish our souls.
10/5/23
GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!
The Real Cure to a Broken Heart
Welcome back to Life with Hannah! Today, we want to dive into a topic close to our hearts – the special bond that exists when living with girls and the incredible friendships that blossom among them. Whether you're a girl yourself or have had the privilege of building strong connections with amazing females, you'll understand the unique magic and power that comes from these relationships.
Living with girls, be it as roommates or family members, brings an enchanting dynamic that can't be replicated elsewhere. From the heartfelt conversations shared during late-night talks, to the contagious laughter that fills the room, to the endless support and understanding, there's something truly remarkable about the shared experience of womanhood.
Not only are we celebrating the beauty of living with girls, but we must also acknowledge the extraordinary friendships that women are capable of cultivating. Female friendships are often characterized by deep emotional connections, unmatched loyalty, and a genuine understanding of one another. They have the ability to uplift and inspire, to laugh and cry together, and to offer unwavering support through every twist and turn in life.
In a world that sometimes pits women against each other or perpetuates harmful stereotypes, it's essential to counteract these narratives and celebrate the strength and beauty found in our relationships. By nurturing and cherishing our female friendships, we create spaces where authenticity, vulnerability, and empowerment are celebrated.
In this blog post, we aim to explore the various facets of living with girls and the power of female friendships. We'll delve into the extraordinary experiences we encounter, the lessons we learn, and the unwavering support system that is formed. We'll also address the challenges that can arise and discuss how to navigate them with grace and understanding.
So, whether you're a girl seeking validation for the amazing bond you share with your female tribe or someone who wants to explore the significance of female friendships, join us on this journey of celebrating the magic of living with girls and embracing the power of genuine connections. Together, let's uplift and honor the extraordinary experiences that occur when women bond, creating beautiful memories that will last a lifetime.
Stay tuned for our upcoming blog posts as we navigate the joyful, complex, and magical world of living with girls and building lifelong friendships. We can't wait to dive in with you!
With love,
Hannah